Excellent point about when civility is appropriate and not.
The framers of the U.S. Constitution gave us a system of government featuring a separation of powers, checks and balances, and federalism. This arrangement works best when competing factions gather to engage in civil discourse to formulate policy. Civil discourse is characterized by discussion, debate, and eventual compromise. However, if the need to "compromise" is used to justify the denial of rights and justice delayed, I'd prefer to pass on it in favor of agitation. Likewise, while civil discourse is necessary for productive policy debate, if one side is determined to name call, belittle, and demonize the opponent over every difference in opinion, the exercise of civil discourse becomes a lost cause. While one can make the case that the Orange Menace (not very civil of me) is not solely responsible for the loss of civility (the trend predates Trump's entrance to the national political stage), he has brought it to the lowest point in my lifetime. Every day Trump's rhetoric hits a new low. Civil discourse which is needed to meet people where they are and move them to a more enlightened point of view seems lost in 21st century America.
Thank you for reading Carolyn and for this multilayered reflection. Perhaps calling it the Orange menace is not civil, but as he has chosen to break the rules of civility he is entitled to none. To continue to treat him with civility is not civil—it’s complicity. I feel your pain in the loss of civil discourse in our nation, but I believe it can be found. We just need to recognize the truth about where it went, and what fixing it looks like.
I feel redundant in saying 'excellent work,' but you always seem to produce excellent work, so here we are. This one is important. I hope it gets the traction it should here.
Wendy, first let me just say thank you. As someone who has always struggled with anxiety and feelings of low self worth, I never find these messages redundant. The number of times I am unkind to myself far outweighs the number of times anyone could tell me this work matters. It is an exacting weight and one you help lift every time you use your voice and amplify my own.
I could not agree more with you however, this message does indeed matter. I feel called to help amplify the healing by using civility as it should be used, educating others to its true purpose, and ensuring that complicity and collaboration dressed in the guise of civil servants, bearing a flag and an anthem can not claim civility as their watchword. In breaking the code of civility they violate its true purpose, step outside of it, and make themselves subject to the natural consequences of their actions.
Thank you for offering such an eloquent view of true civility. I’ve been reaching out to people, checking in, and focusing on the power we have when we recognize the power of our common bonds.
Excellent article. The lack of civility is truly disheartening.
One caveat. While most people are good and kind at root, there is a distinct type of person who is not wired for empathy, compassion, kindness or care. They can't help it, but their toxicity when they find themselves with power, can make the world seem dark.
We have to push back against this first, and second, we must be mindful not to allow this type of individual to attain power. It doesn't end well. Believe them when they tell us what they are.
It apparently can be both. But my personal experience with a malignant narcissist informs my understanding. They were like this as a young child. They were never not like this. The family-my family- was always positive and quite dismayed and baffled. This is a variation of humanity that is not like most of us. The brain waves are even different. They are essentially predators who are driven by cruelty and power seeking. They can't feel empathy and think it's a weakness anyway. They are driven by need for adulation and they fear only not being seen as superior. They won't change. They can't. They don't want to. The only remedy is distance and removal from power so they don't have leverage over others' welfare.
Lynn, you are correct. There are those amongst society who do can not process empathy or emotion. They are rarer usually, and most are that way from birth. I would also hasten to add that trauma and abuse can cause processing in this fashion as well so there is an argument to be made for nurture playing its part. There is not a cure but you are correct we must learn to recognize these traits and not allow them in our leaders. They frequently however are capable of playing those emotions to others if they are highly functioning enough These are the most dangerous kind of predator.
I’m wondering whether this toxicity is learned rather than inherent, a strategy born of brittle insecurity. Either way we cannot allow it to take hold. What is the medicine for this toxin?
Excellent point about when civility is appropriate and not.
The framers of the U.S. Constitution gave us a system of government featuring a separation of powers, checks and balances, and federalism. This arrangement works best when competing factions gather to engage in civil discourse to formulate policy. Civil discourse is characterized by discussion, debate, and eventual compromise. However, if the need to "compromise" is used to justify the denial of rights and justice delayed, I'd prefer to pass on it in favor of agitation. Likewise, while civil discourse is necessary for productive policy debate, if one side is determined to name call, belittle, and demonize the opponent over every difference in opinion, the exercise of civil discourse becomes a lost cause. While one can make the case that the Orange Menace (not very civil of me) is not solely responsible for the loss of civility (the trend predates Trump's entrance to the national political stage), he has brought it to the lowest point in my lifetime. Every day Trump's rhetoric hits a new low. Civil discourse which is needed to meet people where they are and move them to a more enlightened point of view seems lost in 21st century America.
Thank you for reading Carolyn and for this multilayered reflection. Perhaps calling it the Orange menace is not civil, but as he has chosen to break the rules of civility he is entitled to none. To continue to treat him with civility is not civil—it’s complicity. I feel your pain in the loss of civil discourse in our nation, but I believe it can be found. We just need to recognize the truth about where it went, and what fixing it looks like.
I feel redundant in saying 'excellent work,' but you always seem to produce excellent work, so here we are. This one is important. I hope it gets the traction it should here.
Wendy, first let me just say thank you. As someone who has always struggled with anxiety and feelings of low self worth, I never find these messages redundant. The number of times I am unkind to myself far outweighs the number of times anyone could tell me this work matters. It is an exacting weight and one you help lift every time you use your voice and amplify my own.
I could not agree more with you however, this message does indeed matter. I feel called to help amplify the healing by using civility as it should be used, educating others to its true purpose, and ensuring that complicity and collaboration dressed in the guise of civil servants, bearing a flag and an anthem can not claim civility as their watchword. In breaking the code of civility they violate its true purpose, step outside of it, and make themselves subject to the natural consequences of their actions.
fuck "civility"
go feral
harness old barbarian instincts
Thank you for offering such an eloquent view of true civility. I’ve been reaching out to people, checking in, and focusing on the power we have when we recognize the power of our common bonds.
Excellent article. The lack of civility is truly disheartening.
One caveat. While most people are good and kind at root, there is a distinct type of person who is not wired for empathy, compassion, kindness or care. They can't help it, but their toxicity when they find themselves with power, can make the world seem dark.
We have to push back against this first, and second, we must be mindful not to allow this type of individual to attain power. It doesn't end well. Believe them when they tell us what they are.
In the meantime, we do what we can to be kind.
It apparently can be both. But my personal experience with a malignant narcissist informs my understanding. They were like this as a young child. They were never not like this. The family-my family- was always positive and quite dismayed and baffled. This is a variation of humanity that is not like most of us. The brain waves are even different. They are essentially predators who are driven by cruelty and power seeking. They can't feel empathy and think it's a weakness anyway. They are driven by need for adulation and they fear only not being seen as superior. They won't change. They can't. They don't want to. The only remedy is distance and removal from power so they don't have leverage over others' welfare.
Lynn, you are correct. There are those amongst society who do can not process empathy or emotion. They are rarer usually, and most are that way from birth. I would also hasten to add that trauma and abuse can cause processing in this fashion as well so there is an argument to be made for nurture playing its part. There is not a cure but you are correct we must learn to recognize these traits and not allow them in our leaders. They frequently however are capable of playing those emotions to others if they are highly functioning enough These are the most dangerous kind of predator.
Agreed and understood - I am the daughter of such a person.
I’m wondering whether this toxicity is learned rather than inherent, a strategy born of brittle insecurity. Either way we cannot allow it to take hold. What is the medicine for this toxin?
We cannot assess anything by the current administration except, maybe the Mob.